One of the first things that came up was the belief of "I don't deserve rest." ('No rest for the wicked...) This surprised me, and I have no idea where this would have come from. There was nothing obvious around this in my upbringing or anything like that. But, anyway, there it was, clear as anything. Even though Jesus so obviously says something different. And even though I'd been grappling (unsuccessfully) for a few years now with establishing Sabbath time in my daily life, in line with the commandment. But, of course, that was the intellectual knowing against the 'heart knowing' you spoke about, so it's now obvious to me why I didn't get anywhere on that.
Then I noticed that this was closely intertwined with another of these deep-down beliefs, namely that of "I am lazy, and that's why I never get anything done." Again, I couldn't tell you where this would have come from. But I know now that I've been holding these beliefs for a very long time. I admitted to these deep-down beliefs and sat with them, also with the help of openbible.info, reflecting e.g. on what other had recommended in terms of verses on 'rest'.
Eventually, I felt a great peace. It was as if bad weather had cleared from inside of me. One of the most immediate effects over the following week or so was that I've started sleeping properly. I can sleep now for about 5 hours without waking and then go back to sleep after I've woken up. And I feel rested. For several years (I'd say since about 2017), I'd not slept for more than 2-3 hours in one go. And now I get tired in the evening - I'd not had that for years, either. It's a complete transformation, honestly.
Honestly, the Thought Life series has changed my life, and I feel that many of the seeds it's planted haven't even begun to grow yet. Thank you so much, and may the Lord bless you and everyone at Forward in your shared ministry.
